The Wound That Keeps You From Being Yourself.
- Mouniirah DEME
- May 15
- 7 min read
The first step to loving yourself is to know yourself, we often hear. However, even if we know ourselves, we can sometimes have difficulty accepting or even owning ourselves for fear of being judged or rejected. We wear masks, smile when we think we should, and say what we think we should say. But deep down, our true personality remains imprisoned, and we feel it. To address this issue, I offer you today a summary of the book «The 5 Wounds That Prevent Being Yourself» by Alexandre Stanké. In this book, the author makes us aware of the masks we wear, the wounds that led to their formation, and how we can get rid of them. Thank you for joining us, and enjoy reading.
I. The formation of masks.
We form and wear masks because we want to protect ourselves, because we want to avoid suffering. Our masks act like bandages, and we refuse to see that the reason we suffer is actually our wounds. Because if we suffer when someone touches our injured hand, it is not because of the person but because we have refused to take care of our wound.
“When a child is born, they know deep down that the reason they are incarnating is to be themselves while experiencing multiple things. Their soul has chosen the family and environment they are born into with a very specific purpose. We all have the same mission in coming to this planet, that of experiencing things until we come to accept them and love ourselves through them. As long as an experience is lived in non-acceptance, that is, in judgment, guilt, fear, regret, or any other form of non-acceptance, humans continually attract circumstances and people who make them relive that experience. Some not only experience the same type of events several times during their lives but must reincarnate one or more times in order to fully accept it.” — Alexandre Stanké.
II. The 5 wounds that prevent you from being yourself.
Rejection or the mask of the fugitive
reject: expel, push back, don't admit, evacuate.
to reject is to say 'I don't want to.'
Rejection injury can occur even before birth if the child feels unwanted. It is experienced with the parent of the same sex. The first reaction of a person who feels rejected is to flee, which is why people suffering from rejection injury wear the mask of the fleeing person. They often have a narrow (fleeing) body and may develop skin problems to avoid being touched. With the parent (or people) of the opposite sex, the fleeing person does everything not to reject them. However, with the parent (or people) of the same sex, they want them to do everything so that they do not reject them.
The flight attendant's greatest fear is panic, because when they panic, they freeze and may even temporarily lose their memory. They therefore flee from any situation that could cause them to panic. Ailments and illnesses often associated with flight attendants include: cancer (a disease associated with resentment or hatred following pain experienced in isolation), respiratory problems, allergies, agoraphobia, hypoglycemia, diabetes, or manic-depressive disorders.
💡Note that the severity of symptoms depends on how often each mask is worn.
Abandonment or the mask of the dependent
abandon: leave, abandon, not want to deal with it.
to give up is to say 'I can't.'
The abandonment wound is experienced with the parent of the opposite sex. Although abandonment and rejection are different, the person suffering from abandonment can also experience rejection. They wear the mask of the dependent. The dependent believes they can't achieve anything alone. They often pretend to be the victim by creating difficulties to attract the attention of others. They often adopt a childlike voice and like to ask a lot of questions. They don't like working or doing activities alone. People wearing the dependent mask are the most prone to transference and to accusing others, even God.
The addict's greatest fear is loneliness , and the most strongly felt emotion is sadness. Addicts cry easily and are afraid of all forms of authority. The ailments and illnesses most often associated with the addict's mask are asthma, hypoglycemia, pancreatic problems, diabetes, myopia, hysteria, depression, migraines, etc. They may also end up with rare diseases that require special attention.
Humiliation or the mask of the masochist
humiliation: abasement, shame, vexation, degradation.
A soul that suffers humiliation will attract parents who will humiliate it. The wound of humiliation occurs between the ages of 1 and 3. It is experienced with the mother for everything related to sexuality and cleanliness and with the father for everything related to learning. The person suffering from the wound of humiliation wears the mask of the masochist. The masochist has difficulty expressing his true needs. He is hypersensitive and generally does everything not to hurt others.
The masochist's greatest fear is freedom, because when he feels free, he usually falls into excess. The masochist tends to take on the needs of others because he feels in control. Ailments and illnesses often associated with the masochist mask are back pain, heaviness in the shoulders, respiratory problems, liver problems, sore throats, itchy skin, poor functioning of the pancreas, heart problems, etc.
Betrayal or the mask of the controller.
betray: stop being loyal to someone or a cause; abandon someone.
The betrayal wound occurs between the ages of 2 and 4 and is experienced with the parent of the opposite sex. The individual suffering from the betrayal wound wears the mask of the controller. They are very demanding of themselves and others. They have a lot of difficulty with authoritarian people because they believe that the latter want to control them. Controllers generally do only what they want. They are very talented, execute quickly, and have little patience with 'slow' people. Controllers have a very active mind, do not like to be late, and have difficulty delegating while trusting the other person.
The controller's greatest fear is dissociation in all its forms. This type of person has the hardest time going through a breakup because it's also a form of dissociation. The controller is afraid of commitment because they're afraid of separation. They most often end up with partners who don't want to commit, thus masking their own fear of commitment. The controller is afraid of being disowned, so they tend to disown others. The ailments and illnesses associated with the controller's mask are agoraphobia, stiffness and illnesses that can lead to a loss of control over certain parts of the body such, as hemorrhages, impotence, diarrhea, etc.
Injustice or the mask of rigidity
injustice: the character of a person or thing that lacks justice.
The injury of injustice occurs during the development of the child's individuality (4-6 years) and is experienced with the same-sex parent. The individual suffering from the injury of injustice wears the mask of the rigid. The rigid is often perceived as cold, intolerant, and conformist. They have difficulty asking for help. They are very sensitive, even though they often try to cut themselves off from their emotions. They have difficulty loving and allowing themselves to be loved. They fear authority and place great importance on merit.
The rigid's greatest fear is coldness, because for them, being cold means being heartless and unfair. They have difficulty coping with the coldness of others but are sometimes perceived as cold themselves. They are also afraid of making mistakes, of not being clear, of being criticized, of displeasing and of losing control. The ailments and illnesses often associated with the rigid person's mask are: stiffness, burnout, illnesses ending in —itis (which are generally the result of suppressed inner anger), stiff neck, constipation, hemorrhoids, cramps, psoriasis, liver disease, dry skin, etc.
III. Healing of wounds and transformation of masks.
In order to heal from different wounds, we must first understand how they are formed. The formation of wounds occurs in the following four (4) stages:
— Step 1: We are ourselves,
— Stage 2: We feel pain discovering that we cannot be ourselves,
— Step 3: We revolt (through crises or resistance),
— Step 4: We resign ourselves (this is the step where the mask is formed).
The healing of our wounds also takes place in 4 reverse stages, which are:
— Step 1: Becoming Aware of Your Wound: The first step to healing your wound(s) is to first acknowledge that we are wounded,
“The advantage of recognizing his injury is that we are finally looking in the right place.”
— Step 2: We feel revolted when reading these lines or have difficulty accepting that it is true,
— Step 3: We give ourselves permission to have suffered, and we have compassion for our parents,
— Step 4: We become ourselves again by cultivating self-love.
Loving yourself means giving yourself the right to be as you are at the moment and accepting yourself even if you do to others what you blame them for. Besides,
“We often blame others for everything we do ourselves but do not want to see.”
The advantage of healing one's wounds is, beyond no longer having to wear masks, to discover that, behind the masks, we are much more than our fears and wounds. The escapist discovers himself to be enduring and resourceful; the dependent, tenacious and social; the masochist, bold and adventurous; the controlling, skillful and a good leader; and the rigid, creative and full of energy.
“We want to be loved; failing that, admired; failing that, feared; failing that, hated and despised. At all costs we want to stir up some sort of feeling in others. Our soul abhors a vacuum. At all costs it longs for contact.” — Hjalmar Söderberg
Have you identified the wound(s) that are preventing you from being yourself? Or have you recognized a loved one through these lines? Thank you for reading. Take care. God bless you.
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